You don't have to care about your appearance to have an eating disorder

I know a lot of people after getting anorexia start attributing their weight loss to wanting to look thin. Personally, I never experienced this or any greater fixation with my appearance, but I recognize it seems most females get this.


I never thought I was fat or worried about getting "too fat," even when I had anorexia. I know the Adapted to Famine theory doesn't say all people feel this, just personally I didn't. I never worried that eating more would make me so huge that people would think I was ugly.


Because growing up I always got comments on my thin appearance, I actually wanted to appear bigger. I worked out using strength training to try to get more muscles, but as another of my articles explains, this is impossible when one is underweight and undernourished.


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The food restriction part, I think I got very fixated on portion sizes and eating just the exact amount that would need for the day, and somehow that size just became smaller and smaller. It had zero connection to me trying to look smaller. I just felt like it would be scandalous to eat more, and now I understand this through AFH - that in the evolutionary past, eating more would have not been wise, as my whole tribe would’ve been in a famine and resources would’ve been scarce.


The word “scandal” I connote with a social faux paus, doing something that would shock others. By “scandalous” I meant eating more felt like I was betraying my society. It felt morally wrong to eat more and morally right to restrict my intake.


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For a long time I thought I didn't have eating disorders because I didn't have a strong need to appear skinny. Then I learned that anorexia can be defined by one losing at least 15% of their body weight, from Dr. Shan Guisinger. And I saw how all my symptoms matched up with that of anorexics. That's when I had to accept the truth: I was anorexic. I was bulimic. I needed to recover, and I finally did. Recovery feels a million times better than being in the throes of an eating disorder, and I help EndAnorexia.com can help you recover.